November 15, 2007

Excuses, excuses...

As promised, I will now explain why I fell off the face of the blogosphere back in August: Chris and I are expecting our first child in April.

A picture of the "seed purl" taken at 11 weeks, 3 days.
On the right side of the picture is the head and face in profile. The brightish blob on the top-leftish side is a hand.

We found out I'm pregnant on August 9th, our fourth wedding anniversary. There I was reading all your wonderful, special date stories in response to my contest, when a date that was already special to me became doubly special. It was thrilling and exciting. But I had no idea what I was in for.

Mid-August, Chris and I took a week to go see his family. We had a lovely time. Except that was when the morning sickness kicked in. I was so unprepared. I really had no idea what it would be like.

I didn't puke on that trip (that came later), but was taken quite off-guard by the constant nausea and unrelenting fatigue. One day, while knitting some socks for Chris, I suddenly had to put down the needles because knitting was making me feel dizzy. Not a good feeling when you're already queasy. That was pretty much the last knitting I did until October.

Dead give away I wasn't feeling normal: I'm clutching a bottle of water instead of some knitting. Also, check out the queasy smile.

I didn't even want to knit. On a theoretical level, losing my desire to knit was upsetting. But in all reality, I simply wasn't up for it. I was already feeling bad and knitting, horribly, made me feel even worse. This is a knitting blog and with no knitting, what did I have to blog about?

The other problem was that sitting at the computer was even worse! Looking at the screen totally exacerbated the nausea and fatigue. I could read a few e mails and scan/lurk a few blogs, but then I'd have to stagger to the bathroom or the bedroom. I started going for days without so much as turning on the computer.

During this time, Cara shared the news of her pregnancy. (She's about three weeks ahead of me.) It was very comforting to know I wasn't alone and that she was going through lots of the same stuff. But how she managed to keep blogging, I'll never know.

I must vent now, for just a little bit. I was sorely misinformed about the first trimester of pregnancy. Oh sure, I'd heard about morning sickness and fatigue, but I didn't really get it. I was under the impression that you would experience "episodes" of being sick or tired and when the episode had passed you'd be back to normal until the next episode. I could not have been more wrong. Nobody had ever explained to me that no, no... you will be both sick and tired nonstop for three solid months.

Okay, rant over. Because really, I know it wasn't as bad for me as it could have been. And I am truly overjoyed and grateful to be pregnant. So I feel a bit of a schmuck complaining about it. I suspect that it's similar feelings of guilt over complaining that prevent scads of preggies (and former preggies) from sharing just how hard it can be to grow a person. That, and maybe they know that if we knew how brutal it can be, we might consider skipping the whole ordeal. There are ways to have children that don't involve allowing a parasite to hijack your body. Shoot, it sounds like I'm complaining again. Bottom line: feeling sick sucks, being pregnant is a wonderful reason to put up with it.

I finally started feeling better at the beginning of this month. It was just in time for some more big news. We had put in an offer on a new, bigger house and it got accepted. Whoo-hoo, new house! Of course that means we have to sell this house. This house that I have loved so much. This is a beautiful house, almost magical, and it's been perfect for the two of us and the dog. But baby on the way means we need more space. Also, the new houses is in a safer neighborhood with better schools.

As you may know, the process of buying a new house and selling the current house takes a lot of time and effort. More things to eat up knitting and blogging time and leave me so tired I start falling asleep on the couch at 7pm. But it's exciting and will be worth it. Thank heavens I'm feeling better than I was.

I have done some knitting but I think I'll share that in another post. This one is really just about letting you know why I was gone for so long.

Finally, I'd like to give a huge, public "Thank You!" to my amazing husband, Chris. He has done all the heavy lifting (both literal and figurative) for me and for us since forever, really, but especially since I've been pregnant. I absolutely could not do any of this without him. I have been physically weak and emotionally fragile and he has been my rock. He has taken it all in stride and been incredibly loving, sweet and tender to me. I can't even imagine what I would do if he weren't here taking such fantastic care of me. I am grateful way beyond these meager words can possibly express. I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for everything.